2 cups of flour,
1 stick of butter,
1 cup of water,
1 cup sugar,
1 tsp salt,
Juice of two lemons,
1 cup brown sugar,
4 large eggs,
2 bottles of white wine, must be chilled,
2 cups of dried fruit,
1 cup mixed nuts,
Rub the lemons on the fine side of a grater to obtain the zest.
Sample wine to check quality.
Cut lemons in half and squeeze out the juice.
Take a large bowl and check the wine again.
Measure out one cup of sugar.
To be sure it is of the highest quality, measure out one level cup of wine and drink.
Turn electric mixer on.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add the sugar and lemon juice plus one tease spoon of brown sugar.
Beat again. At this point it is best to check wine has not breathed too much, try one more level cup.
Turn off mixer thingy. Break two eggs and add to the bowl and throw shells in the bin.
Chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit up off the floor.
Mix on the turner … if the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the wine to check for tonsisticity.
Pick the egg shells out of the cats basket and throw in the bin
Sift two cups of salt… or something.
Check the wine, now shift the flour and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
Finally throw the bowl through the friggin window. Finsish the second bottle of wine and wipe the counter with the cat.
Pick up the phone and book a table at the French Kitchen.